The Clichéd Phanfic
by iamthechickenqueen
Summary: *CONTAINS INTENSE SARCASM* What happens when a sarcastic teenage girl takes the piss of every stereotype surrounding the Phandom?


It was a cold winter's evening, and Dan and Phil were lying on the sofa in the lounge of the apartment they shared together, huddled under a cosy blanket. Dan's head was rested contently on Phil's chest, as Phil held Dan close to him.

Dan leaned his head back and gazed into Phil's sea-blue eyes.

"Phil, you know that I love you more than anything in the world right?"

Phil replied with a smile.

"Of course, and you know that you are the most important thing ever to me?"

"I do Phil, I do. Without you, I am nothing."

Dan started to tear up as he continued to profess his undying love to Phil

"You -" he choked, "are the lion to my llama, and always will be."

"Oh Daniel, please don't cry! You'll set me off! Wait, I have something I need to give you."

Phil untangled himself from Dan and walked out of the room. A minute later he appeared with a big box of maltesers.

"Aw Phil, you shouldn't have!" Dan giggled.

As soon as Phil handed him the box he opened it up, and to his great surprise there sitting inside was…

…a diamond engagement ring in the shape of a placenta.

Dan's mouth hung open in shock as Phil placed himself down on one knee.

"Dan, I love you so much. Will you marry me?"

Dan jumped up from the sofa, sending the box of maltesers flying, as he jumped up into Phil's outstretched arms.

"Of course I will, oh my god Phil!"

After a few minutes of intense hugging and kissing, and Phil sliding the ring onto Dan's finger, they parted themselves slightly from one another.

"This calls for a celebration dinner!" Dan explained. "I'll whip us up something good to eat."

"DID SOMEBODY SAY WHISK?"

Out from nowhere appeared the celebrated TV chef Delia Smith, with a large balloon whisk in her hand.

"Oh my god!" Dan and Phil cried together. "It's the celebrated TV chef Delia Smith!"

"How about I make you two lovebirds some engagement pancakes?"

"Sure thing Delia!" they again called out together.

Just as Delia was walking away towards the kitchen the doorbell went off.

"I'll get it," said Dan, and off he went to go and see who it was whilst thinking about the day when he would finally be Mrs Daniel Lester.

He opened the door to a delivery man with a large box behind him.

"Delivery for Mr Howell and Mr Lester."

"That's us!" Dan signed for the packages and called Phil downstairs.

"I wonder what it could be?" Dan questioned.

"Probably congratulatory gifts from all the Phans, I just tweeted them about our engagement!"

"Oh, that makes sense! Of course they would have had time to send us this after finding out about it thirty seconds ago!"

After opening the box they discovered it was in fact from all of the Phans! They had gotten together over twitter and collaborated to send them something special.

"Oh wow!" Dan cried. Inside the cardboard box was a real life llama!

"It says on this card full of people's twitters that we will never bother looking at that his name is Becky. They didn't call him Chester because they know that's what we want to call our first born child."

And so Dan and Phil pulled Becky the Engagement Llama out of the box and carried him upstairs, but tragedy was not so far away…

As they walked back to the lounge they heard Delia cry from the kitchen, "OH NO! I forgot to lubricate the pan!"

"DID SOMEBODY SAY LUBRICATE?"

And suddenly Manesh slid into the room wearing nothing but a trench coat and a pair of socks.

"Congratulations Dan and Phil!" he said as he dropped his trench coat to the floor and did his best impression of Dan's sexy end screen dance.

Once he was done Dan, Phil and Delia applauded as Becky the Engagement Llama spat everywhere.

"That was amazing Manesh, thank you! I'm sure Dan will agree with me when I say that you would be amazing entertainment at our wedding. What do you say?"

"I say, I think I need to but a new trenchcoat!"

Dan, Phil, Delia, Manesh and Becky the Engagement Llama fell about laughing before going to sleep.

They had a big day of wedding planning ahead of them!


End file.
